Until a few hours ago, my blog title used to read: I can sum it up real easy. Living in a town house in the suburbs just a few minutes from where I grew up working in a job i don't enjoy cause i sold out with two kids and an lovely man from another world. its not that complicated really. but everything feels complicated because i've landed myself on the wrong track. this blog will now log my journey to regain my soul from the corporate jungle that tamed me.
It was time to take that down. Last night Mari even said, "isn't it time to update your blog profile?" So he has noticed the change. I've been at my new job for over a month now and I am serine. I mean, I know that Buddha says 'happiness should come from within' and I should not let external circumstances dictate my satisfaction with life. But, honestly, being in this new job has made me realize how bad a match I was for the last place. And yes, new job is still in the IT corporate world, which I never really intended on getting into, I MEAN: I majored in Psychology, did my senior internship at a naturopathic college, and did my thesis on the role of EFAs and Trans Fatty Acids in ADHD! I wanted to do research, I wanted to work with kids, I wanted to do pretty much anything but get all dressed up in a suit, sit in a room with a bunch of stiffs, and talk about military software all day. That's what I have been doing for the last two years at my last job. The problem was not just the stifling dress code, the stoic managers, or that I am not into being a war profiteer/ 'on white collar welfare' as they called it. Because I did feel a sense of pride in an importance for being associated with software that would help save lives. But, it was that my job as a whole was just really tough and not in the build a suspension bridge on top of a canyon way or in the working with disadvantaged kids way. I was in charge of monitoring quality on the projects, and I was an auditor. That immediately made people fear and avoid me. After two years, I had really made strides in gaining rapport with the teams and the project managers, but one of them was still always very nasty to me, no matter how nice I was to her. Following my audits, many times my suggestions for improvements were completely ignored. I was not privy to much and constantly kept out of the loop. I felt like a token employee stuffed in an isolated hole in the shelf, and I felt like a drain on tax payer money. I felt like I was missing precious time with my baby and kid...for nothing that I could look back on fondly. Near the end, I even spit out a couple times that I HATED my job. and bro, you know, I ain't no hater.
It was time to take that down. Last night Mari even said, "isn't it time to update your blog profile?" So he has noticed the change. I've been at my new job for over a month now and I am serine. I mean, I know that Buddha says 'happiness should come from within' and I should not let external circumstances dictate my satisfaction with life. But, honestly, being in this new job has made me realize how bad a match I was for the last place. And yes, new job is still in the IT corporate world, which I never really intended on getting into, I MEAN: I majored in Psychology, did my senior internship at a naturopathic college, and did my thesis on the role of EFAs and Trans Fatty Acids in ADHD! I wanted to do research, I wanted to work with kids, I wanted to do pretty much anything but get all dressed up in a suit, sit in a room with a bunch of stiffs, and talk about military software all day. That's what I have been doing for the last two years at my last job. The problem was not just the stifling dress code, the stoic managers, or that I am not into being a war profiteer/ 'on white collar welfare' as they called it. Because I did feel a sense of pride in an importance for being associated with software that would help save lives. But, it was that my job as a whole was just really tough and not in the build a suspension bridge on top of a canyon way or in the working with disadvantaged kids way. I was in charge of monitoring quality on the projects, and I was an auditor. That immediately made people fear and avoid me. After two years, I had really made strides in gaining rapport with the teams and the project managers, but one of them was still always very nasty to me, no matter how nice I was to her. Following my audits, many times my suggestions for improvements were completely ignored. I was not privy to much and constantly kept out of the loop. I felt like a token employee stuffed in an isolated hole in the shelf, and I felt like a drain on tax payer money. I felt like I was missing precious time with my baby and kid...for nothing that I could look back on fondly. Near the end, I even spit out a couple times that I HATED my job. and bro, you know, I ain't no hater.
I'm really happy to have started this blog, because I think in a way it pushed me to be more proactive in my quest to regain my soul from the corporate jungle that tamed me. And I do feel like now I am well on track with my life. My new job is so much better. I am in a cube by a window that overlooks a playground. I work on a team of really nice and fun people. The work I'm given is challenging, interesting, and important. And the company is open and genuinely grateful for my contributions and feedback. I find myself really being present and engaged in what I'm working on, and that happened only once in a blue moon at my last job.
I'm also still intent on studying acupuncture, and this new job actually seems like a good stepping stone to that transition. We will have to move to another city that has an acupuncture college. The one in Maryland is not a good fit for me because they do not have any research presence and that is uber-important. If I'm going to pay 50K for grad school then I want to do research dammit! So in a couple years, we'll move to Boston, or Seattle, or Portland, or California and I'm pretty sure that I will be able to work remotely part time while I'm in school. The company has tone of employees who do that and they already gave me a laptop with a webcam and soft phone. So things are going well and I feel confidant that I'm being a good mommy to my kids and setting a good example by going after what I want out of life instead of sulking and wilting.
I have also felt a change in the wind in my perspective on parenting. For the past couple years I was feeling a little overwhelmed and bit alienated. Like, I didn't have any peers with children to talk to and get advice from, and I missed going out and partying with my friends. But this year I finally found a group of moms that I relate to and click with, and also admire. I joined the Holistic Moms Network and damn do I wish I had joined when I was pregnant with Kaio, because I have been flushed with a wealth of information and guidance on parenting the all natural and non-consumerist way. The group has been key for me and I am so grateful. Then also, recently two of my close friends (geographically too) have had babies! So I don't feel like such a freak anymore!
On New Years Eve last year I wrote myself a letter, to be opened on New Years Eve of this year. It was intended to capture goals and dreams for this year's accomplishments. I remember the most important one: Have a plan on how to realize my dreams and get out of the mess that is my boring job. Well, score one. I hope this wave continues, and that my spirit remains elevated. I hope I make good choices for Kaio and Nala. Next steps are to get Mari's family here to visit, to get our bodies healthy by going to the gym and chiropractor, to start back up with yoga and reading books on acupuncture and herbalism. And use my energy to be more supportive to all my friends and family.
krissee, you are amazing! i feel inspired reading this. i hope that you guys end up in seattle or portland so our kids can grow up together! love you and miss you lots! xoxo
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